Rejection is hard

User

Posted 30 Jun 2022 at 18:00

This is something else I hear a lot. Wife says to husband sex doesn't matter, I just want you alive.

But actually, sex matters to many husbands even if he's not going to have sex with wife. Many wives don't get this, and it makes it much more difficult for the husband to seek the help he requires. Many guys in relationships masturbate solo (just like many single guys do), whether or not they have sex with their wife, but don't necessarily tell their wives, and losing that ability is still a massive thing.

Edited by member 30 Jun 2022 at 18:04 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 30 Jun 2022 at 20:10

The bit about partners prioritising life over sex is definitely true. However, as humans we aspire for more. Most men would also prioritise preservation of life over sex, initially! However, as we overcome that hurdle and return to health, we want more, we want our libido to return to its former glory!

Edited by member 30 Jun 2022 at 20:10 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 01 Jul 2022 at 00:25

Clearly sex is important to many wives too, my wife is on HRT for osteoporosis, I can personally vouch for the many and varied benefits of HRT!

Gaz61 your xwife was a piece of sh¹t, mine did the same thing, I thought my life was over. Hopefully you will get off the hormones soon and believe me there are many wonderful women out there who are not selfish bastards!

Knodel,. Male sexual response is a funny thing, a lack of confidence caused by a life threatening illness and months of HT will have badly knocked his confidence. Have you tried asking him to help you masturbate? He may feel vulnerable when you come on to him and hence back away rather than risk failure, asking him to do you a favour without the pressure for full sex might help take the pressure off - certainly helped me!

User

Posted 01 Jul 2022 at 11:20

@Francij1- My husband just doesn't feel like even helping me to masturbate, yet, he still associated that with sex, so I guess I need to be patient!

I'm 55 now, and in September I will hopefully be post-menopausal. However I've still got a good sex drive, which I wish was lower now! It's quite probable that I will go on HRT after September, as I have scoliosis, and if I got osteoporosis, the scoliosis could get worse. I'm also getting treatment with a chiropractor since end of January.

My husband feels that if he gets a proper erection with the injections (he's got an appointment in a few weeks) will maybe change things, because using the Vitaros cream sometimes gives him more feelings down below!

Does anyone know how doctors measure when you're in remission? Is it 5 years after your last treatment, ie., in my husband's case (finished HT end of January)?

User

Posted 01 Jul 2022 at 15:24

Re remission it's all about PSA, so long as PSA is where it should be you are in remission..

Sounds like your husband is making it all about his erection, that approach may not be the optimum because of the pressure he will subject himself too.

The injections did help me especially when I was in a in new relationship and needed the confidence it gave me me. Unfortunately I then found I couldn't orgasm, what fixed everything for me was learning to relax, accepting My erection was not what it was and learning to enjoy my new "normal".

User

Posted 02 Jul 2022 at 10:48

Not wanting to help you to your pleasure is difficult to understand, except through that "hard wiring" that tells a man he is not performing right if he is not penetrating, erect and orgasmic. For me there is not much that is more satisfying than pleasing my partner. It really helped that she was super clear she didn't need my erections and still loves me without them - but I am pretty sure you have already let him know that. It comes back, for me, to this: who could he talk to, that he really trusts, and explore his deeper feelings so he can let go whatever is blocking him?

User

Posted 02 Jul 2022 at 11:55

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Yes to all Francij1 says - being a man, it takes a while to get that it is not all about our erections, and as you say relax into the new normal. Some men have found it helpful to think of it as being sensual rather than using the word sexual - but the bottom line Knodel is that it's time for him to get out of his low mood and start loving you physically. He clearly needs some support to get there. For me during the dark months (more than a year) it really helped to pleasure myself - but it was important then to bring that back into the relationship.

Not wanting to help you to your pleasure is difficult to understand, except through that "hard wiring" that tells a man he is not performing right if he is not penetrating, erect and orgasmic. For me there is not much that is more satisfying than pleasing my partner. It really helped that she was super clear she didn't need my erections and still loves me without them - but I am pretty sure you have already let him know that. It comes back, for me, to this: who could he talk to, that he really trusts, and explore his deeper feelings so he can let go whatever is blocking him?

As humans we all deal with this life changing event differently. There is no 1 cap fit, we all have our different coping mechanism. I am 6weeks post surgery, and I have used my faith. Does it bother me this incontinence or ED? Of course it does, buy it does not consume me. Do I worry about whether I might not be able to have penetrative sex with my wife? Too right it does! Like you alluded to, it is a complete change of mindset to unlearn what we have learnt as regards what manhood is all about. The bottomline is we do not sometimes see the glass as half full. As men, we also tend not to show our emotions, I know I am guilty of that. My fears, my innermost worries and concern stay buried there!

Edited by member 02 Jul 2022 at 11:55 | Reason: Not specified

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