High libido partner dealing with HT (UPDATE March 2024)

Thanks. I’ve been advised before to speak to him about it but I’ve made a decision not to discuss with my husband. I feel he’s been through enough already and I know from trying early on that he’s not able to go through the motions. It would really upset him and I love him too much to put that burden on him as well. My advice to Tortuga is that it’s basically a grieving process for both husband and wife on top of everything else going on. As time goes on I am more thankful that his health continues to be very good despite an awful initial diagnoses. Time does heal and we have a brilliant life generally with a lot of laughs and fun times. 

Tortuga….It sounds like an awkward situation. I can understand how you feel, but also how your husband feels. Though maybe he should try to be more understanding. I am a similar age to you. 
We have always had the opposite problem. Dh has always had a very high sex drive. I am 15 years younger but have never kept up. If we were the same age I’m not sure we’d be together still as 15 years ago when he was the age I am now he’d have been wanting it twice a day, I’m more a twice a year person now (I am exaggerating!)

Back in October he was put on HT for life. It is so strange how different he is. He used to be so bad tempered when he’d been a week without sex. He’s not like that now, so that’s a plus. I’d say his libido is still higher than mine though. He keeps suggesting that I find a younger man for an affair, as long I come home to him at the end of the day, but theres no way I’d ever consider that. I do miss the person he was though. Even though he drove me mad. We can’t even cuddle up in bed anymore, I am hot all night due to peri menopause. He gets lots of hot flushes. So we stay apart. I miss that more than anything.

On the plus side, your dh will come off the HT so maybe things will improve. You could both see a therapist. That should help you both see things from the other persons perspective. 

I'm trying desperately not to be rude in this response! Many of us have been given an early death sentence. We don't know when it's coming and how bad the end will be. We are given drugs that delay the inevitable, but they have horrible side effects. The choice, take them or die even quicker!

Personally, OH menopause knocked sex off the menu years before cancer. Did I moan? No I love my partner. However, your husband is daily living with the fear of the end. Perhaps sex used to be fun, but it's absence doesn't mean you are unloved. Rather than feeling frustrated and resentful perhaps just give the poor chap a regular hug and support. Enjoy what you have it may not be there for long.